Consumed by Love
by RibbonblueLeaves
Summary: This is the truth beyond his quirky, crooked smile and her beauiful sea blue eyes.
1. Chapter 1

The characters in this story do not belong to me but too DEGRASSI.

Consumed by Love

"Maybe I should have told him why I left, and how walking away was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I should have told him that with every step I took I lost myself even more than what I was. Today, everything is a blur, I don't how we got here, but were here, and he's erasing me from his mind something I'd never be able to do. It hurts to have to distance myself, to not be able to crawl under his arms when everything is going wrong like right now. That day is stained in my brain, seeing his pale skin in between those white sheets was mortifying but seeing his glare, it just killed me. The first day I met him his glare was cocky and smug, it was different. I love him and I'll always love him but I couldn't help think that instead of helping him I was destroying him, our love consumed us, and all that was being left was something rotten and bitter. I could tolerate the world being against us but I couldn't tolerate seeing his fire extinguish before my eyes. I wanted to cure him but I wasn't able to, seeing him hurt scared me and I didn't know how to cure him, and that scared everything in me."

"Alli he's erasing me, how could he do that…?" I said in a crackly voice as I gently sobbed onto my pillow.

"Clare, it's for the best…ok honestly I believe Eli and you were just too good to be true, he's not sane Clare, look…look how he's hurting you" Alli handed me a mirror, I didn't know who was there, she had short auburn hair, which flip-flopped everywhere, her eyes were a puffy pink color, ad her skin looked too pale.

"He didn't do this to me, he cured me Alli, he made me believe in myself, and you know that"

"Don't ever say he harmed me, because he never did that and he never would!" I said as tears poured down my cheeks, I tried to catch my breaths but I couldn't stop crying.

"I'm sorry Clare…I know but I don't know what to say, you've always been the strong one between you and I, even with KC, you weren't hurt like this, and I don't know what to say to make it better." Alli told me as if talking to a small child, I felt like a child, I crawled into her arms and sobbed.

"Alli I love him… I love him" I whispered in between hard breaths between my tears


	2. Chapter 2

The characters in this story do not belong to me but too DEGRASSI.

Consumed by Love

Chapter 1

It's been a month since the breakup and somehow I always wind up staring at the story he wrote but shared with me. Seeing our names together on a sheet of paper kind of gives me the illusion that were still together. I've been dying to call him, to say that I take everything back, every word, every step but I can't, I can't be with him because I hurt him. I thought we were good for each other, or at least at the pit of my heart that was what I hoped for but opposites attract and because of this erratic and unusual combination, hurt always makes them separate.

I don't know how I'm going to continue without him, I have Adam here but I know he's in a knot being buds with both Eli and I. I haven't talked to Adam in a while, I just figured Eli needed him, I didn't want him to be alone, the way that I am, and the way that I feel.

I had dream the other day, and of course Eli was in it. I was walking through some type of ruin. In my mind there was something missing, like I was walking in the unknown for a specific reason. I walked the same endless path for hours, not knowing where I was going but knowing in the back of my mind that I was meant to be there.

Out of nowhere I heard a voice… I heard his voice. He was calling me, I turned and I saw him and my heart begin to race at the speed of light. There he stood, so utterly breathtaking, it was the image of perfection, his black hair swept over a small portion of his eyes. Those olive green eyes that had raptured me the first time I met with them, his slim figure just stood there and all I could do was stare. And then that famous smirk of his crept onto me, I smiled and tasted the salt in my tears as it reached my mouth. I begin to run, the world felt heavy under my feet but I didn't care, I just wanted to reach him, to hold him and to know he was in my arms. His image started to get clearer as the seconds passed by. He seemed so far away but in a thud I reached, I reached his arms. I don't know how it was, but it felt real, more than anything. He hugged me with desperation, searching my back for a grip, wanting to never let go, just like me. I hugged him, in a way trying to secure him to me; I felt his back bones between my fingers and realized how much I missed that. We stayed together like that for the longest time, and then he let go and picked up my chin with his finger

"Opposites attract and they separate but they always find a way back to each other, Clare I'll always love you, never doubt that" he said as he leaned in for a kiss, it was soft, I felt as if he was pleading for me not to lose faith in our love.

As he ended the kiss I looked up and said "I'll always love you Eli Goldsworthy" but I realized not one sound came out. I tried to speak but not a peep could heard. Eli began to walk away, I caught his arms and he pushed me to the ground. He was walking away and I couldn't stop him anymore. I was screaming in my lungs "Eli…please don't leave!" but it was useless, he was already gone.

When I awoke I felt the tears on my cheeks and my pillow. And I said it again "I'll always love you Eli Goldsworthy" but as my voice said these words I realized he wasn't here, and he never heard what was screaming in my soul.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello I know I have left all my stories stuck in time but I will devote myself to updating each story. Hope you guys will still want to read them and this eclare story is different, it follows the breakup but does not follow the Degrassi storyline, yet I hope you guys enjoy and please deliver some feedback

The characters in this story do not belong to me but too DEGRASSI.

**Consumed by Love**

**Chapter 3**

Eli

I rummage through my clothes with great velocity. Because of my devotion to The Perks of Being a Wallflower by the genius Stephen Chbosky I am now on a rampage, trying to find a decent shirt among this mountain of dirty clothes I have collected over the week.

As I ride my bike to Degrassi I thought of many things which was not unusual, many things seem to cloud my mind these days. At times my thoughts would roam to Clare and the moments we spent together, when I knew I was infinite. Yet things always fall apart, and even our glorious story fell, broke into pieces in the vast of time. I've thought of getting close to Clare again, it's something I miss and I wish to at least have a friendship with her, for the least.

The wind was cold and pierced my ears and skin but I enjoyed it, it made me feel strong as if I was defying something that was intended to be left untouched. As I passed a greenlight which was approxiametely one block from the school's parking lot, I realized small dark shades were forming on the road. I was hit on my forehead by a blunt ice cold drop, then the water just began to pour. I pedaled as fast as I could, dragging my feet in an exhausting rotation. I was not going to arrive soaking wet to my class, and I didn't want to give Cece another reason to worry, I was not going to catch a cold because mother nature thought it was a nice moment to deliver some rain.

I reached the parking lot and immediately placed my bike on the rails, I took by backpack off my shoulders and rummaged through the inside searching for my lock. I could hear the screams and shrieks of many of the niners as they tried to avoid the rain. I had finally finished establishing my lock and reached a door .

" Wait!" I turned to see Clare Edwards holding what seemed to be about four dictionaries as she struggled with the enormous weight of her shoulder bag. Her hair was still short as I remembered, however in the rain it looked slightly longer. I held the door for her and for a brief moment our eyes held each other, she was soaked by the rain, her blue eyes seemed to contain the sea and as her hair seemed tangled yet curvy, a few rain drops ran down her face. She looked amazing and I had the urge to touch her but I knew that was not appropriate. She gave me a small smile.

" Thanks" she said walking away fiercely.

I wanted to offer her help but after hearing her speak in what seemed to be months I couldn't make out the words.

In lunch I sat beside Adam as he munched into his apple, " Bro we need to go see that new film Warm Bodies"

I grinned "Adam you should try speaking when you're done taking a bite, I don't fancy giving you mouth to mouth when your choking"

Adam finished his bite and took out his tongue, " As I was saying, we have to go watch it! I hear the guy gets the girl and eats the ex-boyfriend, and I figured that was your style…you know…in courting the ladies…" he said, giving me a sinister grin.

I let out a sigh, " Why am I friends with you?"

" Because you love me" Adam replied as he frantically batted his eyelashes.

" Yeah sure , sure. So umm Adam I saw Clare today" I said in a softer tone.

Adam looked at me quizzically, "…Well that was expected bro. I mean you two do go to the same school"

" I know that. It's just it wasn't some _far off distance I saw Clare _, she was a few inches from my face. This morning she was caught in the rain and I caught the door for her, she was so close to me. And she looked different, I don't know there was this definite look in her eyes that was different, I can't quite explain it. "

" Well Eli, Clare and you did breakup and it wasn't the prettiest one. Things were bound to be awkward between you too" Adam replied in apologetic tone.

" I know, I know Adam, I just wish things weren't this weird or complicated"

Adam looked at me and then drifted his eyes elsewhere, I turned toward the direction of his attention and there was Clare isolated from everyone.

" Don't we all" Adam replied.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello Readers…Please review and tell me what you guys think. Thank you

The characters in this story do not belong to me but too DEGRASSI.

**Consumed by Love –Chapter 4**

"How am I suppose to do this?" I asked Alli as she curled her hair in the restroom.

" Do what Clare?" she replied

" Act as if nothing happened. Alli how am I suppose to pretend to not be inlove with Eli when I cannot escape him in my own head. I sit down and suddenly I feel his hand take mine, I feel his eyes shooting right through me, and I see him there when he isn't. ", tears were trying to fall from my eyes but I held them in.

"I'm going mad, I can't escape him! Dam him…dam him…dam him! And dam me for loving him without reason, without excuse!" Alli barged in with part of her hair curled, as I was in tears. I couldn't hold them back, and I couldn't breathe, it was as if the air had shortened for me the day he left. Alli rubbed my back and gave me a hug as I tried to keep myself together, as I desperately tried to not crumble. Alli held my chin up,

"Clare. You are a beautiful girl and Elijah Goldsworthy is not the only guy in Degrassi, hey he isn't even the only guy in the world. I know a break up is hard but you have to get yourself together. It's your junior year, you have to be fearless, and come on you have me and I'll never leave you"

I wiped my tears away, " You know, you're right , this is my year…and I have to accept that there is no more Eli"

" Well good, cause look at this mess", Alli said as she grabbed the other half of her straightened hair, " this needs serious attention Edwards", I giggled and led her to the restroom, and finished curling the rest of Alli's bed head.

I saw Eli this morning , I was soaking wet and it felt as if I would collapse, he was a few inches from me and I couldn't move as his eyes held me in place, it was as if I had no power of will. I didn't know what to say or do, I wanted to sprint, to drop my books and run away but I couldn't let him have the upper hand, not again.

I managed to move, one foot behind the other before turning around and replying a low thank you. Even after I had left that awkward position, I knew he was looking at me, I felt his eyes burrow behind my skull and then it was gone, I turned around and he was walking away and I felt a bit disappointed. I wanted to think he still loved me, the way I entirely and completely loved him. And in that moment I realized that his is how Eli must have felt when I walked away, weak and utterly powerless.

At lunch Alli was busy with science and Dave, so I grabbed my lunch and sat alone. I bit into my turkey sandwich and began searching through my handbag for my book, when I caught the site of Adam and Eli under the tree talking, I was instantly brought into the past. I could feel the warm grass under my legs and the voices of my two best friends as they fought on who performed better in the latest yu-gi-oh match.

However when I opened my eyes I wasn't sitting on that warm grass, nor was my hand wrapped in Eli's. I was on the other side of the worlds of these two boys. I was no longer in their lives, I was alone, and the grand trio was gone…it was really gone.

I tore my eyes away from them and began to read, I wanted to go away from here, completely disappear because the truth was that though I loved Alli with all my heart I could live without her but to live without Eli and Adam, that was going to kill me itself If I wasn't already dead.

I looked up to see Eli and Adam deep in their conversation and I looked down toward my book, _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_.

The sky was a soft blue, it looked mesmerizing, "maybe this is the love I deserve Charlie…maybe this is the love I deserve", I said silently toward the sky, hoping a friend or a soul was listening and tell me I was wrong but there was no reply.


End file.
